RIP AIC RHCP

After hearing the latest Alice In Chains single, “Check My Brain,” I emphasize that my previous post about the band being awesome meant they were awesome only with Layne Staley on vocals. The new song is awful, and it’s painful to think I was so blown away by this band when I listened to them in junior high and high school and now they’re releasing piles of wet garbage. It’s the same pain as hearing the Chili Peppers when “Californication” was released. I’ve since gotten over that pain and least attempted to listen to their old stuff with some success, but their new stuff tarnishes it so badly that I can stand only small doses of the music I once loved. Then, I think a little further about albums like “Uplift Mofo Party Plan” and “Mother’s Milk,” and feel as though I should be rockin’ out in my driveway while washing my Camaro or Pontiac Fiero, my cutoff Cobra Kai sweatshirt stained with a perfect V of sweat.

I’m over the loss of the Chili Peppers, because most of their early songs were about themselves, which is fairly intolerable these days. They had a theme song for every album they released, sometimes more, which is ridiculous. Who are you, Suicidal Tendencies? Body Count? I can’t believe bands used to that get away with that. Sure, it was rap-core, or whatever you want to call it, that caused them to boast and make anthems for themselves, but it’s such a cop out, a Cop-Killer-Out in one case. Thankfully, theme songs have mostly disappeared from albums everywhere, so we don’t have to worry about hearing, “Lady Gaga is the Best” by Lady Gaga anytime soon. Maybe she’s a bad example for that, but bands that write songs about themselves is just laughable. Experiences they’ve had together prosed poetically is one thing, but if they’re just singing about themselves, how cool they are, and how much they love to party is cause for instant and permanent dismissal from relevance.

Alice In Chains never made a theme song, but I’d almost rather they did instead of that crap I heard this morning; so much for my early morning desire for bagels, coffee, and radio. Ah well, there’s always bagels, coffee, and iPods.